Self-Esteem Help – It’s All in Your Mind

By Janus Moncur, CPC – The Co-Creative Coach™

Building Self-Esteem is important for everyone at different times in our lives.  Building self-esteem and confidence is vital to our success professionally and personally.  Our self-esteem and confidence is directly related to our conscious and unconscious beliefs that we hold about ourselves.  It is suggested that these beliefs develop and imprint from our families, culture and society.  Experts contend that children that get a great start in a loving environment have a stronger foundation from which to go out into the world with healthy self-esteem and confidence.  It is also noted that the opposite is also true.  Self-esteem can make or break the success you seek.

Many of us have less than stellar thoughts about ourselves that I call abusive beliefs.  My first research efforts into abusive beliefs focused on people, mainly women, caught in the cycle of domestic violence.  These thoughts – so ingrained – allow the abuser to control the victim.  I contend that most people have their own set of abusive beliefs to varying degrees.  These beliefs also control the believer.  The problems arise when the beliefs get in the way of our self-esteem and confidence, thus hindering positive development.  How many times have you heard someone say, “Oh, I’d love to do such and such BUT I could never because I’m not …” (good enough, strong enough, creative – or whatever.)  It may sound like an excuse, but the sad thing is that that person likely really BELIEVES he/she can’t.

Beliefs are very hard to overcome.  They have been stressed over and over until they are taken into the subconscious.  Once there, the belief may not even be a conscious decision to live a certain way.  But beliefs can be changed if exposed and proven wrong.  It can be like the reprogramming that has to take place when someone has been brainwashed in a cult.  Their beliefs have been molded solidly.  It takes hard work from a willing participant with the help of a professional for the best results.  The good news is that it can be done.

Let me use an anedote to illustrate…

My best friend’s mother got into Harness Racing with Standard bred horses.  I remember one of the chores we had to do was removing rocks from the track for the betterment of the horse and driver.  One of us would drive the old Ford tractor around the dirt track dragging a section of chain link fence held down by concrete blocks.  The process would help uncover the rocks after disking dug them up.  Both Heidi and I swore that those rocks magically multiplied somehow.  It was tough, tiring work, but we understood the importance of having the rocks cleared so Maureen could train the horses as effectively as possible.  Hitting a rock either by hoof or wheel could cripple or derail progress.  Believe it or not, the track did become less rocky eventually.  It just took work. And when we teamed up, we got the job done faster.  We knew we had done a good job on that track when we could watch the driver whiz by singing at the top of her lungs to her racehorse.

Our abusive beliefs are like those rocks.  To obtain self esteem help and improve confidence, we must work on our heads.  The trick is to become aware of the rocks (abusive beliefs) and to get rid of them. Those “rocks” hinder your forward movement toward your goals and intentions. The frustrating thing can be when we get one rock under control another pops up.  It just takes diligence, tenacity and patience to keep working on your rock removal.  It is training just like the horses around that track.  You will become better at it eventually.  And just like clearing the track – It just takes work.  And when we team up with others, such as a coach, we get the job done faster.

Working on our thoughts and beliefs to building self-esteem and confidence is vital to achieve success.  So watch what you “say” to yourself.  If a negative or self-defeating thought comes into your mind develop your own little ritual to “erase” it.  I sometimes say ‘Cancel! Cancel! Cancel!”  or  “Hey Now, that’s just not true”..and then say the opposite.   It may seem silly and it takes time and tenacity, but it works.  It is my wish for you to be able to whiz along your own track to your dreams.

Cheers to Your SuCCess!