Crisis? Crossroads? What to Do When You Get Stopped in Your Tracks!

Rising early each morning, throwing on your duds, walking to the barn, greeting your favorite horse as he softly nickers to you, smelling the wonderful aroma of sweet feed as you scoop out the morning rations, feeling a few gentle pokes of the hay locks as you balance them carefully with the grain to throw over to your trusty friend, Sugarfoot, listening to the happy munching from Sugar as you fill a bucket with fresh cool water, laughing as Sugs flips his lips around in the water before he plunges his muzzle in for a deep satisfying drink, watching him flip his tail and kick up his heels as he is freed from his stall and let out to play in the pasture for the day.  Happy sigh.

We tend to have routines that we do everyday to be more successful and productive in our lives.  Whether it is getting up at the crack of dawn to feed, water and let out the horses or rising to make coffee and getting into your office to write, the routines become ingrained and automatic.  We become comfortable and dependent on them.  These routines are usually developed over a long time and work best for us.  It may have come from that hard fought battle between that “good-for-you” little angel on one shoulder and that rebellious little devil on your other shoulder.  You know you really want to get up to start your day, but you really want to turn over and go back to sleep.  Once mastered, we tend to actually fall in love with our routines.

So what happens when we get “Tail Tossed”?  (Picture Sugarfoot tossing his tail and bucking you off his back to land on YOUR tail.)  …

We can be blindsided by someone or something that leaves us stopped in our tracks, gasping for breath, dazed and confused.  Overwhelming events and major transitions can do that to us.  Even events that we may intellectually know are coming and we think we are ready for can derail the strongest pillar of strength.

My own wonderful and long wished for event came when the love of my life was called in for major surgery that would give him a longer, healthier life.  We had been waiting for this for almost four years.  We had been seeing all kinds of doctors.  We had been educated and utilizing all kinds of drugs.  We had been through live classes, books, articles, and DVDs.  We had uprooted and relocated our lives to be close to our hospital and doctors.  We were mentally rehearsing and praying for the day the call came.  I was even wearing a beeper in my aerobic classes!  Locked and loaded is the phrase that comes to mind.

But when that call finally came? BAM! One, I didn’t believe it because the team called my love and not me, which was not the protocol we had set up, but once it sunk in that this was really it (in the middle of a dinner party with friends) a flurry of action transpired.  The packed bags were grabbed, the important phone calls made, the dogs were overloaded with food and water so Lori would have less to do the first time she came to Nanny, our guests rushed around cleaning up the gourmet Chinese take-out which I don’t remember tasting and my love got none of, Big D was hurried into the car and I drove like Parnelli (as D likes to call me) to the emergency room.  Less than five hours later, after the rush of sign-in, the whisking away for prep, and the three and a half hours of endless waiting during the surgery, I was able to see my sleeping beauty.  As I watched him sleeping with a huge tube down his throat and another up his nose, family that had come for support said their good wishes and goodbyes and melted away as I sat as close as I was allowed to the man that has always been a rock to all.  Reality started to creep into my fog.  My little angel and little devil started to bicker.

Devil: “OK, you see he’s made it.  Now go home and finish that paper due for your masters.  You only have two classes left after this one!”

Angel:  “You don’t have to leave.  Stay.  Your heart is here.  I know it and so do you.”

Devil:  “Hey, now!  You have your own world to take care of.  Hospital accommodations suck!  Go home!”

Angel:  “Do as your heart tells you on this one.  You won’t be able to function well anyway.  You will worry and be riddled with guilt if you leave.”

Devil: “Guilt Schmilt.  You should worry more about all your obligations and the tightly woven schedule you just finally hashed out.  Besides, remember in class, they said the caregivers should go home and rest up so they can be ready for home care?”

Angel:  “I can feel your heart’s desire, Janus… Fooey on you, Devil!”

Devil:  “Awww! $(*#&$&(&!!”

Now mind you, little devil did have a point.  I had JUST worked out a fantastic, tight schedule that incorporated all my projects, hospital trips, school, work-outs, and gardening into a do-able strategy.  I was excited about it and felt a huge amount of accomplishment from it.  But this decision to stay with D was a “no-brainer”  for me.  I had come this far by his side and nothing or no one would get me to leave anytime soon. Yes, during the hospital stay of 12 days, I did slip away to get a shower or to pick up more supplies.  And I did give up three of those night stays to his kids and gave a bit of attention to our dogs and our garden.  And yes, my perfect little schedule went by the wayside, school was dropped and pushed back a month, the dogs missed me though I knew they were in good hands, the garden turned into a jungle of giant grass shoots obliterating the struggling vegetable plants, my writing retreated into a distant compartment in my mind, and my entire being had only one focus – to give D all my (tough) love and support to get him back home to recovery.  Everything else was dumped.

OK, so there you are.  Everything that you had worked on so diligently and passionately lay in discarded piles.  Your drive and desires having been relocated and used up elsewhere.  Your dreams and doings teetering precariously as your little devil whispers in your ear.

Devil: “You made your decision!  You chose your love.  Well, you can’t have both. Live with that!”

Angel: “Not so fast, Devil!  Janus, how many times have you told folks they can do anything they really want to do?”

Devil: “Awww! Knock it off, Angel.  Poor Janus has been through enough stress and anxiety…right Janus?  You really need to just forget all that do-gooder dreamer dumb-stuff and ride on your laurels.”

Angel: “Janus!  You know what you need to do.  Follow your own advice!  Make your DeCision, take ACtion, and Commit!  Love and Support will be there for you!”

Devil:  “But you’re SO tired, Janus.  Just sleep while you can.  Other stuff can wait.  And if not, then who really cares?!”

Angel: “Come on, Janus.  Think what is good for you and ultimately good for the folks you love.  Time to saddle up, right?  Strap on the right Attitude, kick in the Flex-Power, and Tie a Knot in Your Reins!  We have some Riding to do!”

Devil: “Awww! $(*#&$&(&!!”