Whoa! Who ís in Control Here?! Knowing Your Purpose is Your Responsibility

By Janus Moncur, CPC – The Co-Creative Coach™

Ever have one of those heart-wrenching moments when you had to ask yourself ‘How the Heck did I end up here?’  Maybe you realized you didn’t know your purpose  – Maybe it was a day that you ‘woke up’ and realized that you were in a messy situation … maybe your investments, business or personal relationship were not ‘working for you’.

“I was just trying to be a fabulous business woman. Financial Investor Extraordinaire. Real Estate Mogul.  I wanted to have it all – that perfect marriage to a handsome man that my friends and family seemed to adore.  How did it all go wrong?  Why DID it happen? Surely our relationships, financial and business failures can’t be our own fault.”

I remember being a little kid – riding horses with my best friend, Heidi and her family – poking along on my mount behind a line of other horses.  We were taking a trail ride across pretty scenery in Northern Michigan.  Just riding along, minding my own business, comfortable and relaxed as my horse plodded along behind the tail of the horse in front of him.  All of a sudden, Sugarfoot, my horse, decided that he’d had enough of this fun. He wanted to be home.  So he grabbed the bit in his teeth and took off at high speed. I was so surprised and unprepared that I lost the reins and just clung to the saddle horn for dear life.  My friends were all shouting fine advice behind me – ‘Pull back on the reins!  Tell him Whoa’ … Yeah, right! It was all over.  We were back at the barn in record time and I finally regained control just before being almost decapitated by the top of the barn doorway.

Boy was I mad! And embarrassed! But bottom line? Sugar was just doing what he wanted and I had been just going along for the ride, totally relaxing and letting the reins rest across his neck as we strolled along. I had totally given up the control.

It may be hard to admit but we are all responsible in some way for the things that happen to us. We can play the victim and adamantly deny our own involvement.  “But I didn’t give my approval – I didn’t say to have things done this way. It couldnít be my fault!”

Well ya know what?  You basically did.  You made choices or didn’t that put you in your situation.  Maybe you ALLOWED it to happen. “NO WAY! I’ve had some really crappy situations in my life.  I didn’t cause them to happen.”

Ah, yeah – in a way, you did.  By not making your own decisions, by going along with what others wanted, by not standing up for what you really wanted, you turned over the reins to others and basically said, “I’m just a door mat.  Please walk all over me.  I don’t mind.”

“But I had a dysfunctional childhood and I’ve been influenced by the wrong men in my life so I’ve turned out weak and unable to make good decisions. Can’t be my fault.  I didn’t ask for those situations. I had disadvantages.”

Everyone has tough issues to deal with.  Why you may be a certain way is irrelevant.  It may be sad and painful, but truly, it ís still irrelevant. The trick is to take control or get help to take control.  Who said, “Not making a decision is still making a decision – to give up and give control to everyone else.”

By not taking control – by not listening to our own inner voice – some call God, Spirit, the Universe – we just let life happen.  I was guilty of it, too.  I’d make a start toward what I really thought I wanted in my life and I’d allow myself to be steered in a different direction or sidetracked.  My own fears and insecurities coaxed me to listen to reason – to take the easier road that is being offered.  I was like a pinball in the Wizard’s  machine. I looked outside myself.  I looked around at everyone else.  I listened to everyone else’s opinion of what I should do. “Makes sense to them so it should to me.  Of course they must be right.”

I went along with what looked good at the time. I told myself I had goals and a plan? Maybe, but whose plan is it really? I thought I was being the good little girl, wife, and business woman. Maybe I had assumed that others would look out for me – or take care of me. I know I accepted many situations rationalizing, “This isn’t really what I want, but this may be OK for now. I’ll just do this for now until what I really want comes knocking on my door.”

I ignored those little twinges of doubt – I thought I was just being fearful or insecure.  I now know that it was my ‘little voice’ trying to communicate with me.  By my non-decisions and lack of taking self-responsible control I had made the decision, ultimately, to give away all of my power.  You could say I got what was coming to me.

Wow. Harsh?  Maybe, but years later I took a hard look at my life. I had to admit the shameful and rather depressing truth.  I did indeed have a role in all of the messed up situations that I had happen in my life.  Ok.  Not on purpose mind you.  Of course, I didn’t set out to ruin my wonderful sanctuary.  But I still did it nonetheless.  I DID IT TO MYSELF!

Since then, I’ve taken a hold of my reins and make sure I’m aware of my choices and make the best decisions for me. I now understand that things happen FOR me – not TO me.  I have made it part of my life’s work to be there for others that may be on that wild horseback ride and that need the help of someone experienced to show them how to take up their own reins.  As I remind myself ‘It’s All Up to YOU!   ~ I wish you a safe and happy trip!

Cheers to Your SuCCess!