Success Isn’t a Tiny “x” on a Map

One of my favorite inspirations is a funny guy named Mike Dooley.  He has Tut.com.   You may have heard of “Thoughts become Things” – That’s him.   One of the things I’ve heard him say is the more all-encompassing and non-specific our ultimate goal is, the easier for the Universe to bring it to us.  That always sounded almost against the grain of what so many other Success Gurus teach.  But it really isn’t…we may just want to look at our goal.  What do I mean?

We may have a goal of building a prosperous business in real estate.

“Why?”

“To be able to take care of ourselves and our family.”

“Why?”

Stupid question maybe, but ultimately we want to take care of our family and ourselves to continue to be able to live the lifestyle we want to and to be happy.

So our ultimate goal really is to be happy.

Put another way, if you were striving to build a real estate business but was given the opportunity to receive $10,000,000 if you would give up on real estate would you?  Most of us would.  We could use that money to accomplish our ultimate goal just as well, if not better than staying in real estate, wouldn’t you say?

What I am trying to illustrate is the way things really work.

If we put on our “blinders” and focus solely on a very specific path and do not look to other options that may cross our paths, it is likely going to take a lot longer to become successful and happy.

For example, you may know that I recently entered a writing contest and had big hopes of winning to further my own goals of becoming more widely known so I could help more people become successful – so I could take care of all my peeps – to ultimately be happy…  Well, I didn’t make the cut and was disappointed.  But what I realized is that I was spending so much time on that competition that it was taking time away from my real “work.”  I was writing the book based on developing classes and other resources that I was using to benefit my clients.  I was getting so caught up in the writing to suit the competition that I was stealing time and taking too much away from the purpose in the first place.  Not advancing in the competition was the best thing to happen as I was able to get back in the saddle and get back to work on our seminars and classes.  To further illustrate the point, or maybe just to make me feel better, Anne (my Trusty Assistant and SideKick) pointed out that we hear about these contests but so many times hear nothing about the winner.  Hummmmm…  The funny thing is that I felt such a weight lift off of me when I read the list of advancers and realized my name wasn’t on the list.  A bit of disappointment – sure – I have some pride – but “something” was trying to tell me I had escaped going down the wrong path for me at this time.  I could tell it wasn’t relief from not having to face fear or grow because I just wasn’t afraid of any of the possible requirements that the contest might bring up…even standing up in front of huge crowds.  Nope.  But I did learn a lot and am grateful for that opportunity, but I recognized it is time to jump off that trail and swing onto the right trail.

I know, good for me…and yes, it is.  But the point is that so many of us try to hang on to situations or people that are actually toxic for us.

These toxic situations are pulling us away from our true destinations – from our real dreams.

We give up on what we really want by stubbornly plowing ahead on a fruitless track.  We may gain some benefit – such as the ability to pay the light bill or to not be alone even for a little while – but in the long run where are we really?  It’s like closing the barn door so tightly so as to keep the horses protected and safe, that we kill them from suffocation.  At least leave the hayloft window cracked.  We have to let in the air.

So, take a really deep breath and think about what you are doing right now.

Are you sure you are on the right path?

If so, FANTASTIC!  If maybe not, take some time to explore and discover.   It can’t hurt.

See you down the Trail!

Flex for Success – Learn to “Listen” and Use Your Flex-Power

We hear so much about “Overnight Success” but if we look closely we realize there is a chain of events that goes way back to create that success.

And the chain – or journey – was not a straight shot usually.

What often happens is the Successful Person has to invoke a lot of Flex-Power.  Flex-Power comes from working and watching horses.  The most successful horses – the ones that are considered the best in their particular events – are the ones that have learned to flex at their poll (top of the head between the ears) and give to their rider’s guidance.  Where this is most evident is watching the truly amazing Lipizzaner Stallions with their beautiful arched necks and ballet-like movements.  Now, I’m not saying you have to go out and buy a bridle and throw a piece of steel in your mouth – really.  Flex-Power is more of a “give” or flexibility in action.  Another example is the beautiful video of the horse and rider that execute the flawless reining pattern – in front of a huge audience – to music – but WITHOUT a saddle OR bridle.  (I still tear up thinking about it.)

That horse is “listening” to his rider through the use of gentle cues that come from the rider’s weight shifts and leg pressures.

We need to be more like horses.  We need to learn to “listen.”  We need to learn to utilize our own “Flex-Power” to be able to bend our paths and give when we should.   When our “little voice” is trying to tell us something, it would be a good idea to listen.

We have to become efficient at distinguishing warning bells from timidity.

We need to become efficient at distinguishing comfort or laziness from experiencing cold feet.   For example, we may be presented with an opportunity and immediately reject it without exploring it because we think we shouldn’t or don’t want to participate but really, we are just afraid for some reason.  Or we are really too comfortable, or yes…lazy…to grow.  Sounds harsh?  Ever have the experience of hearing about something and realizing you had an idea or a chance that was similar and you didn’t take it?

Ever look back on a situation and want to kick yourself for not going for it?

What held you back?  Likely fear or laziness…boy, I hate when that happens!  The wonderful news is that it’s not too late!

If you are breathing, you can still work toward your dreams.

You may find you need to modify your goals somewhat but wouldn’t you still be happier than if you don’t?  Why reach the end of your life and look back with regret?

Someone at a seminar this weekend said, “None of us are getting any younger…and we are older than when we entered the room this morning.”  Instead of hearing that statement as a depressing remark, just think, if you were working toward something, you’d just be that much closer to success!

Happy Trails!  And Tally Ho!

If You Ignore Your “Cues”, Watch Out!

We are a lot like horses.  Sometimes we are certain we are going along the right path and fight to stay on it even though we would do better or be happier by changing direction.

We are like the stubborn horse with his teeth clamped down on the bit, nose thrust forward, plowing headlong in a specific direction – ignoring the increasingly frantic “cues” from our “rider.”

The rider will resort to much more drastic methods to try to communicate or just eventually give up on the horse.

We humans can ignore cues as well.  Whether these cues come from God, Allah, the Universe or our own instincts, we all get that “little voice” or feeling that is trying to tell us something.  When we ignore our cues, we can usually look back on a situation and pinpoint the moment when we knew we should have turned or corrected our direction.  Sometimes these cues are subtle, like that little constriction in your stomach – that “gut-feeling” about something someone says or does.  Sometimes these cues are much more intense – like that voice screaming inside your head “Don’t do it!”

When we relentlessly plow on our same trail, ignoring our cues, or are convinced we are too weak or too comfortable to make a change – that is when we have to learn our “lesson” the hard way and end up very unhappy.

I’ll share how I did this, with a very personal story:

I met a handsome, funny man.  On our first meeting, we ended up talking all night in a coffee shop – ignored cue: a little inkling of something… not sure… maybe distrust? Of course, I explained it away by my being tired and wanting to leave but didn’t want to be rude and he seemed to need to talk.  He being a male stranger, I was certain my guard was just too high.  I was living in Detroit after all.

The relationship progressed as I allowed him around me – or rather wasn’t “mean” enough, or didn’t have enough of my own direction and purpose to give me a reason to turn him away.  When my “cues” flew up, I – with the help of my new beau – explained them away.  Just as a trainer can settle a nervous green horse, the correct hot buttons can be pushed or the correct rationale can be deployed to calm a situation.  When the idea of marriage was brought up – I about choked but figured we could have a long engagement giving me time to really decide and to jump ship if necessary.  I said two years, he insisted that he had the perfect time that fit into “our” plans …

“Besides, your mother loves me and deserves to quit having to worry about taking care of her baby.  That’s my job now.”

Huge hot button for me – I LOVED my mother SO MUCH!

My warning bells were now louder.  I fought them …

“Well, Janus, you are getting older… and Mom probably is sick of having to worry about you… and marriage isn’t so bad… love doesn’t have to be intense… maybe the love will grow… and he seems to be a really wonderful man… fawns over you in public… so protective… and Mom seems to like him… it really probably is the most practical thing to do… It’s not like you have any other great plans…”

On the day of our OUTDOOR Wedding (we met in April and the wedding was in September of that same year), the floodgates of the sky opened up with a vengeance. (cue?) I had bridesmaids running through the rain – getting soaking wet – dragging chairs into the pole barn that (thankfully) had been cleaned up and decorated to be the dance floor for the reception.  My neighbor, Mike, had made a beautiful arch for the “alter” area and that was digging up the ground as it was mercilessly plowing toward the new “church.”

It continued to pour rain – hard! (cue?)

His family all stayed in their cars, waiting for the rain to subside – for an uncomfortably long time.  They had driven up from Detroit in all their finery and were waiting patiently?

The Priest, Father Joe Fix, was impatient to get started – The Notre Dame game was on soon!  My rather estranged father (my husband-to-be was gracious and allowed him to come to give me away) burst through the doorway to encourage me to hurry up and get on with the show… we were already running over an hour late. (cue?)

There was a bit of a break in the rain…

With cold feet but a determined resolve – I turned to face him, to smile and take his arm, but immediately burst into sobbing tears. (cue?) (And I think I scared him.)

“You don’t have to do this…”

Gulp, choke, snort… “yeah, I do…” Baaaaahhhh!

The cute little soon-to-be-niece-in-law picked up the beautiful train of the only wedding dress I had had the courage to try on before running from the shop (thus, it had to be altered down three sizes) and my father held tightly to me and the three of us struggled from the house through the large yard to the barn while I tried to gain control of myself. (Thank goodness for veils.)

I bawled through most of the ceremony.  Father Joe took pity on me and didn’t make me say much as he pointed out to the crowd that the bride was a bit shaky and emotional (maybe really panic-stricken or maybe resigned to my fate?)

Got through the wedding ceremony, the rain had let up but the clouds continued to threaten.  We ate under what used to be a pretty white tent, took pictures, and as I was finally calming down and wanting to mingle and relax when my new husband reminded me that we needed to get going so we could reach Lake Michigan for a romantic sunset.  I was reluctantly persuaded to leave my friends and family…

OH, NO!  Father Joe left without signing the marriage license!  (now really, isn’t that a HUGE cue?)

We stayed in town for our first night as a married couple – both so exhausted and worn out that we were like horses – rode hard and put up wet – so no romance whatsoever that night… (another cue?)  We made it to Father Joe’s Church the next morning to catch him after mass.  I again burst into tears and quietly cried through the entire service.

My new husband commented to the folks in the pews around us:

“This is my wife, Janus.  She’s a little emotional as we just got married. She’s just so happy…”

Long story short – the license got signed, I struggled to ignore all the now VERY non-subtle cues, escaped within five years, and lost A LOT in the process through the divorce.  He went on to bigger and better, so I’m sure he is much happier without me.  I don’t begrudge him a bit (now) as I recognize my own lack of “self-empowerment”.

I can look back and laugh now after kicking myself for a long time (especially when I learned on Mother’s death bed that she never trusted him.)

I learned some greatly engrained lessons – particularly, Listen to Your Cues! (Instincts, Little Voice, Gut Feelings, Communications from God, whatever you choose to call them)

So I share this rather personal story to show how “silly” we can be when we do not take control of our own lives and merely go along for the ride.  So what is your little voice saying to you – or screaming at you?   Is it time to make a change for the better in some part of YOUR life? Maybe in your job?  Or career path?  Are you making choices that lead to a feeling of personal success?  I hope you “GET IT” a lot quicker than I did!

See You Down the Trail!

Will you help me out? Voting for the Next Top Self-Help Author going on now!

Voting for the Next Top Self-Help Author is going on now, and I’m in the running! My book is called “Life is Like a Trail Ride…You Can Take Control, or Be Taken for a Ride”.  I would love your support. To learn more about me and my book, the competition, and to vote, please visit the Next Top Self-Help Author site

Thanks in advance!

-Janus
www.nexttopauthor.com/?aid=232

What is Success – Really?

We are assaulted by all types of media telling us how to be more successful and what we should be doing to be a success.

How do they know?

Sure money may be used as a gauge for success but only if money is important to the one that holds it. Don’t get me wrong… money is important to be able to allow one choices, so it is important as a tool – at least in my opinion.  But money for the sake of money isn’t success as far as I’m concerned.  So what about for you?

What do you think success is?

We see and hear so many tragic stories about folks that seem to have it all only to find out that they are actually miserable.  Or those that have all the money they could possibly want only to find out that they have contracted an incurable disease.  Some people point to those stories and say “See!  That’s why I don’t want to become successful… or have a ton of money!  It brings bad things!”  I disagree.  I think it is the choices that were made with that money.  Maybe the miserable person was miserable before he had money.  Maybe he was a negative person or became negative and pushed others around or away.  Or maybe the person that became ill helped cause his demise by pigging out on the wrong foods or by doing or ingesting other less than healthy habits that helped to cause his disease.
What would be better, maybe, is to take the cautionary tales as great tips on what NOT to do and vow to do things the right way.

We need to look at what success means to each of us.

Is it to be wildly wealthy so we can drive exotic cars and wear beautiful clothes?  OK, if that would make you happy, great!  Maybe you have a dream and making this dream come to fruition would be the ultimate success for you.  Or would it be so you could have the freedom to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, with the folks you want to spend your time with?  That sounds awesome!
I believe, and this may sound really simplistic, if we strive to be happy and are, without hurting anyone else, then we are a success.  So maybe what we really need to decide is… What Makes Me Happy?  And figure out how to make that happen. What do you think?

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