Don’t Just Make Another Resolution: Make a Commitment – to Yourself!

January 4, 2012

Each New Year – we all feel goaded into making resolutions which we tend to promptly break.  To me, resolve rhymes with dissolve – and that seems to be what happens to these great intentions.  It doesn’t mean we are weak or inadequate.  It may mean we are not really committed to the outcome we say we intend to make happen.  Maybe the outcome isn’t the one we really want to make – maybe our heart really isn’t into it – or maybe we are going in the wrong direction – or maybe we are taking too big a step all at once.  Maybe what we really need to do is to get clear on who we are and where we want to go.

Things change.  New opportunities rise up.  The global community that we live in produces so many new ideas and innovations that were not even thought of a few years ago.  Jobs come and go.  People come and go.  Challenges come and go.  The one constant is YOU.  You will always have you – and that can be a great thing.  Now, I’m not telling you that you have to go out into our big world all alone.  I believe in connections and side-kicks.  But these connections and side-kicks do not always have to be the same exact ones throughout your journey.  They, too, may come and go.  The wonderful thing – and yes, sometimes scary feeling – is that we are individuals who are responsible for our own happiness.  Whether you prefer to rely on spiritual guidance or self-help gurus – you are still the person who is ultimately responsible for your life.

You are your own life builder or life entrepreneur.  The great news is that once you accept the fact that you are the one with the reins in your hands, you can guide your own horse.  You can establish who you are – your own personal brand – and decide what you want to do and choose In-Power-Meant.  There may be challenges that need to be conquered or overcome – but you can do that.  It is much easier to work through challenges when you know why you are doing so.  Thus knowing your “why” or the real purpose or reason for taking a particular path on your ride helps toughen up your courage and strength.  Creating the most productive and enjoyable journey can be enhanced by utilizing tools and systems – whether that be a compass or a map to follow or certain snacks to sustain your ride.  Having a bit of structure with anticipated rewards or respite can help you stay on course.

So instead of continuing to be just another rat on a wheel like the majority of folks each New Year, I would like to make a suggestion.  This New Year (or any time you find yourself facing a transition), try committing to yourself instead of resolving to try to do something.

1. Take some time alone – just for yourself – to really think, meditate, daydream, or fantasize.  What do you want to do with your life?  What hopes and dreams do you have?  What projects or ambitions do you really want to accomplish?  Figure out what you stand for – what your Personal Life Brand is – who you really are? Make it positive and present tense.  Aim for concise statements that can be rehearsed or repeated such as an affirmation or an elevator speech.  That way you can retain it as a tool for future use.
2. Choose ONE thing that you really want to do.  Just one.  You don’t have to try to do something colossal or ginormous.  Just something that may have been hidden away – or tucked away until the right time or until some future time.  Now can be that time if you choose so.
3. Set up a success system – or set of tools, guide rails, structure to rely on.  Maybe you print out your Success Planner and pop it into an inspiring new notebook – maybe you clear out old files to make room for new ones – or maybe you start a brand new journal.
4. Create a list of your favorite rewards or moments of respite.  Try to list as many as possible so you can always find something that will be workable into whatever situation you may find yourself.  Maybe create a vision board to help remind yourself of things you love and things you want to have or create.
5. Set small goals or baby steps you can take to help you overcome a challenge or to achieve a certain outcome.  Along with the baby steps – specify the rewards or respite that will come along with attainment – but don’t make it counter-productive.  In other words, don’t reward yourself with a big piece of chocolate cake for making it for one day without eating any junk food.
6. Carve out a little bit of time for yourself regularly – whether it is you having to get up 10 minutes earlier, during a work break or just before retiring for the night. This time is to review, reward, and refocus your efforts.  Do not beat yourself up for missteps or slip-ups.  We all fall off our horses at times.  The trick is to get back into the saddle to ride just a little farther.

Making a commitment to yourself – rather than making another resolution – will help you actually proceed forward on your journey.  So much so that when you look back at your progress, you will likely amaze yourself!

See ya’ on down the Trail!

Resilience – Are you a Duck or a Brick?

September 26, 2011

I am always amazed and a bit anxious for those folks who seem to glide through life without any tough times – no trauma – no blood, sweat, or tears – just a smooth perfect ride.  They don’t know trouble – are always the popular ones – have everything they want whenever they want it.  Most folks hate those folks – or maybe hate isn’t the right word – envy.  I fear for them and tend to step back – to prepare to get clear of an explosion that could be very messy.  As I see it, these folks may look like they have it all – and all together – but I have to wonder if they are prepared to handle a bit of the rough stuff.  Instead of riding along on their pretty stationary carousel pony – with roses painted on the mane and a painted-on saddle that will never slip – what if this same person is given a new mount – one that is actually alive – thus responsive and sometimes unpredictable.  What if the perfect person is asked to ride a real horse?

One – would they take that chance?

And two – could they handle it?  Would they dive off at the first sign of imperfection?

It is this type of person who tends to sink like a brick when thrown into the pond.  This is because they have never had to learn resilience or as I like to call it – flex-power.

Taking on the directorship of the small, new foundation – the CJ Foundation for Children in Need – has allowed me to learn about an incredible person.  Just imagine – being very young, very, very smart, but unable to understand communication.  Now, I don’t mean the language – that is tough in itself – but what if you could understand what someone is saying but not what it means – you are unable to “get” the inflections, the facial expressions, the true emotion, the intent.  Now think about the English language and how so many things can mean something and/or just the opposite.  Have you ever sent an email and been surprised that its intended message was received in a manner that completely baffles you?  What if you could see but not read a person’s social cues?  How frustrating would that be – especially for a person with a genius IQ.  So much is going on inside but how can it come out if you can’t function well with communication and social cues?  This is just a hint of the condition known as “Aspberger’s.”

Now try to imagine you are a very young boy, without any friends, who is being raised by a single mother, who is dying of cancer.  Then when Mom dies, big brother has to go through all kinds of battles to keep you with his family – including fighting for custody and fighting to make the school take you in because you tend to be disruptive because you can’t communicate well and are socially imperfect.  And once this whole battle seems won – even though big brother’s wife left him due to all the turmoil – you think you may be able to get to a place of stability and big brother ends up in a terrible accident and you are shipped off to another part of the country to live with an Aunt and Uncle whom you barely know (along with their passel of kids).  By this time, you are hitting your teen years – hormone city – and being sent to a strange place – Florida – where there are strange people of all different sizes, shapes, colors, and cultures – and you still have this incredible mind that teems with all kinds of ideas and questions and wonder but you still can’t function in society – especially a totally new and rather foreign one.

Well, you just had a peek into CJ Bellingar’s  world.  Yes, he is the CJ of the CJ Foundation – and I can’t begin to do his story justice.  Most folks would want to crumble or maybe would crumble at living through just part of CJ’s life and the trauma and the crises that have come from it. CJ is definitely a duck.  He can ride out storms and bob back up to the surface.

The old saying that children are so resilient that trauma does not affect them is just not true.  Studies show that trauma makes a mark.  It has been evidenced that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is much more prevalent in all types and ages of people.  It is not just a problem for members of our Military returning from duty.  A perfect example is the tragedy of 9/11 – now 10 years later, people are still deeply affected.  I stopped by my favorite bookstore and had to have a coffee while there.  The Barista was noticeably depressed and when I asked him about it, he replied, “9/11.”  That’s all he needed to say because I remembered that he had friends in NY that had been directly affected.  The 10^th anniversary of 9/11 brought a renewed replay of the day and its events.  I know I had a hard time watching it replayed along with all of the memorial ceremonies – and I was far removed.  I can’t imagine what the folks directly impacted by the tragedy must struggle with.

My point is that almost everyone has been touched in some way or another by traumatic events.  If they haven’t, they will.  

It is how we choose to respond to our situations that will dictate the ultimate outcome of our lives.

It may feel as if events are going to permanently  throw us – or drown us – but they don’t have to.  Resilience may be more innate in some people because of their personality – but it can be taught also.  So if we don’t have it already in us, we sure would be smart to figure out a way to get it!  I believe it is a choice that we can make.  And I am not saying it is easy to rally back – but help is available.

To see someone like CJ, who has had to deal with amazing challenges that most of us will never have to deal with, and who still has the desire to make other people laugh and feel happy, who is not going to receive a dime from the foundation that bears his name but who inspired others to create this foundation and who is also volunteering his own time to help and mentor others…well, what do I have to say?  It is inspiring and humbling and it makes me want to be better, too.  I think we all could learn a thing or two from CJ, don’t you?

So no matter what life may hand you, you have a choice. So I ask you, are you going to be a brick or a duck? It doesn’t matter what you think you may be right this instant.  Notice that I asked what you are going to be. 

Please consider joining us ducks!  Ducks can rise up to make a difference.

See you on down the Trail!

Check your Self Thoughts. Is it Time for an Intervention?

August 24, 2011

I met an amazing woman recently. Dana Gore is a Certified Fitness Trainer and Coach. Of course, she looks amazing but also, her story is inspiring. You would never know she had been seriously obese and food obsessed, among other things. Now she is beautiful, confident, and looks like she must work-out every day and live on celery and carrots. But she doesn’t. She eats well and works out only 3 days a week – she’s just smart about it. She shared her words of wisdom with me. She reframed her thoughts about food. Food is either useful or not. Simple. (BTW, Dana can be reached at fitness@bodyoffitness.com)

Now, addictions are really tough but when the addictive substance is something we must deal with or die – it makes it that much more difficult. For instance, an alcoholic can abstain from alcohol and a drug user can abstain from drugs – not saying it is easy – just saying the addict can live without their addictive substance. But Food Addictions/Issues are not avoidable. A person who is a compulsive eater or has some other foodie issue cannot just avoid food and go on with life. The issue is all very complicated and deep-seated in our minds. Having battled food issues myself – it is a power struggle in many ways. It is truly a mind-game with yourself and with others. But the good news is that it is conquerable.

Of course, this all got me thinking…

Aren’t our thoughts something like food addictions? We have to deal with thoughts – we can’t live without them. And don’t our Fear Fences and Paralyzing Plateaus feel much like facing the powerful gripping presence that tries to rule our actions? Even if we really want to do something – like pursue our dreams or try a new business idea or even just walk into a new place alone – we can be so controlled by our fears and negative thoughts that we forego the possible positives to alleviate the pressurized tension that the opportunity presented. We may even experience momentary relief and rationalize the relief reaction as a sign that the opportunity really wasn’t worth pursuing. But in reality, especially when the opportunity is in line with our own values and purpose – we eventually experience regret and maybe even self-disgust at being such a coward. A very vicious cycle of deteriorating self-esteem can result. Much like – in my opinion – what happens to people at the hands of a skilled abuser – we become our own abuser – self-destructive and less “In-power-meant.” We usually don’t even recognize it because it is subtle and takes awhile to work a noticeable destruction in our lives. Ever think,

“I remember when I used to be able to ________ and now I would not even consider it.”

Maybe it is time to take stock of what is going on in our heads:

• Have we settled?
• Have we allowed the pressures of conforming to being an adult or older or respectable made us meek?
• Have we given up on our own wants and desires to take care of everyone else’s?
• What has happened and how did we allow it?

The good news is you can take back your life in whatever area you desire. You can overcome your Fear Fences and Paralyzing Plateaus. You can overcome addictive self-destruction. Take it from the girl who would down 20 Chicken McNuggets, a Hot-fudge Ice Cream Cake and a huge Stromboli in a matter of minutes and proudly laugh about it (much to the horror of her boyfriend at the time). You can overcome whatever is messing with your head – even when it is you. Just remember Dana’s words of wisdom – is this useful or not?

So check your self thoughts – Is it time for an intervention?

See ya’ down the trail!

Are you in need of support on your journey to success? We have two low-cost ways to get started!

Learn about the SuCCess Producing Planner System here, designed to help you keep moving forward with confidence and compassion – by reminding you to be grateful for what you have and to celebrate and be inspired each day, as you record your wins and challenges, your task list, your goals and more.

Check out our monthly membership for success here, Your SuCCess Circle … a low-cost way to experience the benefits of coaching – support and accountability to help you achieve your goals!

Musings from the Independence Day Holiday …

July 11, 2011

As I write this, I am gazing out my window, looking out over my attempts at a little vegetable/fruit/flower garden, and I have to wonder… did I really just get lucky with my Indianapolis garden…Is Florida too hot for lettuce…who or what is eating the tomato flowers…same question for the baby blue, straw and raspberries…what is the deal with me and watermelon plants… will I ever run into that big black snake that slithered from the garage into the garden…okay..Enough!  On with the Newsletter…

I was flipping around the TV channels and saw a contestant vying for attention, dressed up as a Rubik’s Cube.  Wow!  Blast from the past!  But then I got to thinking…That Cube is like our Life Choices… Each twist and turn leads to a different path.  It’s easy to see how we can get way off track.  So many of us just give up in frustration and never make it to completion or fruition.  So what helps us when we get so twisted and off track that we want to give up?  I think it is remembering your “Why” and finding a way to work back to that “Why”.  So what if you don’t have a “Why”…uh,oh…no – don’t worry.  You have a “Why” but you just haven’t fully realized it yet…

D and I took our annual Mecca back to Indianapolis at the end of June.  We were able to connect with friends and family.  I was particularly excited to witness the dreams of Brenda G. and her beautiful and unique gift shop (she doesn’t have a website yet but she is on Facebook).  Her shop is called Sassy Butterflies and is one of the coolest, wackiest, colorful, happy places I’ve been to.   Very unusual stuff (you should see her Shoe-delier – on FB) and very reasonable prices!   The point is, talking to Brenda and taking the tour, you could see the light shine from her soul as she explained her various rooms and purposes.  Now you know opening a shop takes a bunch of courage and I highly commend her for it! It is evident she knows her “Why” – In fact, writing this makes me realize I can share her dream by helping her on my own FB page – so feel free to look up my coaching page for the Shoe-delier!  Second point – we can all help each other with our dreams.

Independence Day – America’s Independence from the Tyranny of British Rule… Independence Day can also be maybe our own personal independence, right?  Independence doesn’t mean you have to be alone or without help – it means – at least to me – that you have the right or really the obligation to do what is right for you…to be independent from the slings and slights of “Others” opinions and to conquer our own inner Tyranny that holds us back.  Our right to our own “In-Power-Meant”!  Figuring out your “Why” or why you do the work that you do or maybe you could call that “Your Purpose” makes the strength against internal and external tyranny that much stronger – thus easier to “battle.”  (Every time I use the word “Battle” I picture and hear John Travolta as the Angel Micheal…”Ba-Tul!”)

As a reminder, we have started Your SuCCess Circle (Monthly Membership for Success), which includes a monthly call and more… And this month the call will be at 10:30 am ET – which is 9:30 am CT – on Saturday,  July 16th.  We will run the two for one special again this month, which means – you can sign up with a friend.  We are keeping the sessions small and intimate so if we need to, we will open a second session.  So this is the time for you to explore your “Why” or maybe even your “What”…safely with the support of other like-minded folks.  For more details – see below.

One more thing… one of the neat things that came from visiting Brenda’s Sassy Butterflies is the fact that one of her rooms may be used as a “get-away” or a type of sanctuary for people to come relax, hide-out, whatever… I have also had that dream to have a place for folks to be able to escape to – complete with nourishing books and treats… What that says to me is that so many of us have some great ideas and dreams that we hide inside ourselves.  Maybe if we just work up a bit of courage to share, we may find others that have the same dreams and we may be able to help each other achieve them!  What do you think?  Amazing things can happen when we connect!

See you down the trail!

Are you in need of support on your journey to success? We have two low-cost ways to get started!

Learn about the SuCCess Producing Planner System here, designed to help you keep moving forward with confidence and compassion – by reminding you to be grateful for what you have and to celebrate and be inspired each day, as you record your wins and challenges, your task list, your goals and more.

Check out our monthly membership for success here, Your SuCCess Circle … a low-cost way to experience the benefits of coaching – support and accountability to help you achieve your goals!

Getting Out of the Gunk: Become Unstuck!

May 18, 2011

There are times in our lives when the world seems to buck us off and knock the wind out of us.  Things happen that blindside us and leave us gasping for breath.  Even if we know a change is coming or a major transition must happen, it is easy to become overwhelmed and to feel defeated. Sometimes, we face situations that force us to re-evaluate everything we believe in and test our commitment to ourselves and our dreams.   This is the proverbial “where the rubber hits the road”  or “where the horseshoes hit the trail” – you know that place.  It is a crossroads – the breaking point – where the goin’ gets tough and the tough get goin’.   It is the place where the Mojo Bandits ambush your confidence and the Fear Fences seem way too high to jump over.  It is that scary place that makes us shake in our boots and want to dive back under the covers to hide until it passes.  But it doesn’t pass…it requires YOU to make a Decision – to Choose.  This is it!  Do I give up or press on?

Before you make that Decision or Choose – STOP!!

Don’t make a rash or emotional decision from a gunk-filled head.  Before taking action or possibly creating irrevocable damage to your dreams, take a few minutes to breathe and figure out what is REALLY going on.  Convene a meeting with yourself and ask these questions…

Why do I think I want to give up?

Is it because it is not what I really need to do with my life?  Is there something else that I know I should be doing because my passion and soul keep telling me so?  Is it time to make that change?

Am I really just taking on too many projects and allowing the projects to take priority instead of my own work? Am I trying to be too much for too many people?  Is the Superwoman Suit just a bit too unrealistic?

Or am I really afraid?  Am I attempting to navigate unfamiliar trails for me?  Am I feeling unsure and unconfident because I am less experienced with the new tasks at hand? Am I fearful of failing?

Be honest with yourself.  Pay attention to what comes up. And focus on what is best for you – not what you should or think you should do for everyone else – just YOU.  The course of Action to take – or Commencement – will depend on the answers that come to you.

Being honest and real with yourself is the first step in taking good care of yourself.

Taking good care of yourself is crucial for being able to take care of your dreams and/or anybody else!  Remember, during your own board meeting, there are no wrong answers – just honest ones.  So whatever the outcome of your meeting – there is support and accountability that can help you commit to whatever it is that you choose to do.   You can choose to work totally alone and see how far that gets you, or you can engage your own Board of Directors or Success Posse – or Coach – and ride farther – faster.   It’s like the old saying – Two heads are better than one!  Or the whole is greater than the sum of the parts….you get the picture.

So we are extending an offer to show our own commitment to helping as many people become successful as possible in whatever they wish to do by designing and facilitating a monthly membership Success Group called Your SuCCess Circle, which will start in June.  The membership is inexpensive but super powerful to help you get on track and stay on track with your goals and dreams.  Check out the program here http://www.theco-creativecoach.com/your-success-circle/. You will receive the SuCCess Producing Planner System as a wonder tool for your saddlebags!

Getting Back Up on Your Horse is easiest with Collaboration and Co-Creating – You Don’t have to Do it All Alone!  Remember, the Lone Ranger had Tonto.  You have us!

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