I am always amazed and a bit anxious for those folks who seem to glide through life without any tough times – no trauma – no blood, sweat, or tears – just a smooth perfect ride. They don’t know trouble – are always the popular ones – have everything they want whenever they want it. Most folks hate those folks – or maybe hate isn’t the right word – envy. I fear for them and tend to step back – to prepare to get clear of an explosion that could be very messy. As I see it, these folks may look like they have it all – and all together – but I have to wonder if they are prepared to handle a bit of the rough stuff. Instead of riding along on their pretty stationary carousel pony – with roses painted on the mane and a painted-on saddle that will never slip – what if this same person is given a new mount – one that is actually alive – thus responsive and sometimes unpredictable. What if the perfect person is asked to ride a real horse?
One – would they take that chance?
And two – could they handle it? Would they dive off at the first sign of imperfection?
It is this type of person who tends to sink like a brick when thrown into the pond. This is because they have never had to learn resilience or as I like to call it – flex-power.
Taking on the directorship of the small, new foundation – the CJ Foundation for Children in Need – has allowed me to learn about an incredible person. Just imagine – being very young, very, very smart, but unable to understand communication. Now, I don’t mean the language – that is tough in itself – but what if you could understand what someone is saying but not what it means – you are unable to “get” the inflections, the facial expressions, the true emotion, the intent. Now think about the English language and how so many things can mean something and/or just the opposite. Have you ever sent an email and been surprised that its intended message was received in a manner that completely baffles you? What if you could see but not read a person’s social cues? How frustrating would that be – especially for a person with a genius IQ. So much is going on inside but how can it come out if you can’t function well with communication and social cues? This is just a hint of the condition known as “Aspberger’s.”
Now try to imagine you are a very young boy, without any friends, who is being raised by a single mother, who is dying of cancer. Then when Mom dies, big brother has to go through all kinds of battles to keep you with his family – including fighting for custody and fighting to make the school take you in because you tend to be disruptive because you can’t communicate well and are socially imperfect. And once this whole battle seems won – even though big brother’s wife left him due to all the turmoil – you think you may be able to get to a place of stability and big brother ends up in a terrible accident and you are shipped off to another part of the country to live with an Aunt and Uncle whom you barely know (along with their passel of kids). By this time, you are hitting your teen years – hormone city – and being sent to a strange place – Florida – where there are strange people of all different sizes, shapes, colors, and cultures – and you still have this incredible mind that teems with all kinds of ideas and questions and wonder but you still can’t function in society – especially a totally new and rather foreign one.
Well, you just had a peek into CJ Bellingar’s world. Yes, he is the CJ of the CJ Foundation – and I can’t begin to do his story justice. Most folks would want to crumble or maybe would crumble at living through just part of CJ’s life and the trauma and the crises that have come from it. CJ is definitely a duck. He can ride out storms and bob back up to the surface.
The old saying that children are so resilient that trauma does not affect them is just not true. Studies show that trauma makes a mark. It has been evidenced that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is much more prevalent in all types and ages of people. It is not just a problem for members of our Military returning from duty. A perfect example is the tragedy of 9/11 – now 10 years later, people are still deeply affected. I stopped by my favorite bookstore and had to have a coffee while there. The Barista was noticeably depressed and when I asked him about it, he replied, “9/11.” That’s all he needed to say because I remembered that he had friends in NY that had been directly affected. The 10th anniversary of 9/11 brought a renewed replay of the day and its events. I know I had a hard time watching it replayed along with all of the memorial ceremonies – and I was far removed. I can’t imagine what the folks directly impacted by the tragedy must struggle with.
My point is that almost everyone has been touched in some way or another by traumatic events. If they haven’t, they will.
It is how we choose to respond to our situations that will dictate the ultimate outcome of our lives.
It may feel as if events are going to permanently throw us – or drown us – but they don’t have to. Resilience may be more innate in some people because of their personality – but it can be taught also. So if we don’t have it already in us, we sure would be smart to figure out a way to get it! I believe it is a choice that we can make. And I am not saying it is easy to rally back – but help is available.
To see someone like CJ, who has had to deal with amazing challenges that most of us will never have to deal with, and who still has the desire to make other people laugh and feel happy, who is not going to receive a dime from the foundation that bears his name but who inspired others to create this foundation and who is also volunteering his own time to help and mentor others…well, what do I have to say? It is inspiring and humbling and it makes me want to be better, too. I think we all could learn a thing or two from CJ, don’t you?
So no matter what life may hand you, you have a choice. So I ask you, are you going to be a brick or a duck? It doesn’t matter what you think you may be right this instant. Notice that I asked what you are going to be.
Please consider joining us ducks! Ducks can rise up to make a difference.
See you on down the Trail!
